The Holt Blog

This weekend we celebrated our 7th Anniversary! We’re pretty psyched. We celebrated with a little picnic up at Prospect Hill rd in Harvard. It is right next to Fruitlands Museum where we got married in 2001.

And now, I thought it would be fun to come up with my top 7 things I have learned after 7 years, but due to space….I’ve come up with my top 3!! Here they are.

1. No one has the perfect marriage. I spent a long time comparing our marriage to others’. Through the honesty of people close to me I have been able to accept that every relationship has ups and downs and that many of the struggles we have gone through have been perfectly normal for couples in the first several years.

2. Love and respect. Women want and need to be loved by their husbands. Men want and need to be respected by their wives. I have loved the book Respect and Love, it really seems to get to the core of a marriage relationship and what men and women both need. It’s been an eye opener for me and I think I have finally come to understand the important of respect. Wives can often be sneaky with manipulation, not doing exactly what has been asked by them, talking badly about their husbands, etc. From my experience, this often ends in a conflict where I have then felt like the victims of unkindness. However, upon further examination, I often come to terms with my disrespectful attitude. I have learned that respect is not just a feeling you have towards someone or an admiration. But it is also an attitude and something you can choose to show. Often a husband may not even seem to deserve respect, but as a wife that is something we are called to do

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.” – Ephesians 21-30

3. Be effortful in loving each other. What is your spouse’s love language?. Learn to speak it! Be effortful on making sure you communicate your love in a way that will be received and understood. Ben would say thanks if I came home with a new gimicky gadget for him. But, when I shoot him across the room with a nerf dart and declare that I would love to spend quality time with him having a nerf fight.. that shows my love even more because time together means a lot more than a gift!

Inspired by our friend Danielle’s blog (link on right), I decided to do my own pet peeve post.

First of all, my short theory of pet peeves. As Danielle posted, the definition from Wikipedia is a “minor annoyance that can instill great frustration in an individual”. But how do people develop them? As a man with several pet peeves, my theory is that there are three sources:

Things you are good at – and therefore expect others to be good at.

Are you good at remembering peoples’ names? You may find that it bugs you that others don’t remember yours! Do you carefully put the cap back on the toothpaste and replace the toilet paper when it’s almost out? Doesn’t it annoy you when your filthy husband can’t do the same thing? This is augmented when you *try* hard at being good at something, and others don’t seem to put in the same effort.

Things your spouse is bad at.

Oopposites in some things tend to attract us to our spouse, but this can be a source of pet peeves as well. If your spouse is bad at taking out the trash, you may find that it becomes a pet peeve of yours. The issue becomes one of respect. “Why can’t he do this one simple thing for me?” But we blame it on the trash much of the time, and find it becomes our pet peeve.

Unpleasant things we feel powerless to change.

For grumbling pessimists like me, these things crop up all over. I can always find something to whine about. When it’s a particularly annoying and yet unchangeable issue, it may become a pet peeve!

Now, on to my personal set of pet peeves. This is just the big ones I could think of today:

1) Interruption. I was brought up to be silent when people are talking and not interrupt them until they are done. Because I’m (sort of) good at this, I naturally expect others to do the same, and it bugs me when people start talking when another person isn’t finished.

2) Disorganization. This has become a bigger pet peeve since I got married (since Jill isn’t as OCD as me). Piles with no purpose, bulging junk drawers, pack rats, storage tupperware, cluttered living rooms – all of it annoys me. I can’t stand keeping things that I will probably never use, and my desk is usually neat and orderly (with my stuff at 90 degree angles, of course).

3) Lawbreaking. Something I used to not care much about and be horrible at; but have come to care a lot about and be better at. Since I put effort in here, it of course bugs me when people don’t do the same (see theory number one above). Lately this manifests itself through speeding and stealing. If I’m going to try to do the right thing, then darn it, everyone else should have to suffer too! [insert five minute rant here]

4) Windows. I’ve been a computer geek for years, but when I sit down in front of Windows, I feel so frustrated I want to pull my hair out and take an axe to the computer. “It’s just because you don’t use it that you hate it,” you may say. True… but it’s still a pet peeve.

5) Mosquitoes. Lord, you created all the animals and insects. Most of them display your power and glory very well! But *please* tell me how mosquitoes fit into your great plan? Did you really create mosquitoes and say, “It is good”? If you wiped out all of the mosquitoes, wouldn’t your beautiful creation still be just as awesome?

6) Disrespectful Wives. Ok this really bugs me (and not for reason number two – Jill is awesome at this). When I see a wife talking trash about her husband in public, I want to wring her neck. Women don’t realize the damage they do to their husband’s fragile ego when they insult them in front of friends. Worst of all, there’s nothing the husband can do about it. Most of the time it’s a joke at his expense that may be quite funny. Or it might be a snide comment about how he is bad at this or never does that. Wives, please, if you love your husband, only say GOOD things about him in public!

7) Wasting Batteries. Especially non-rechargeable ones. I don’t even like battery-powered things because I’m so stingy about turning them off all the time.

8 ) Taxes. I wouldn’t mind a bit of tax, but when you pay 30% of your self-employment income + property tax + excise tax + sales tax + title tax + state tax + capital gains tax, well, it really adds up. This is one huge reason I’ll never vote Democrat. Taxes is our third largest spending category, after mortgage and car expense. That should not be.

What are some of your pet peeves? We love the comments!

We tested our Beetle’s MPG this past tank of gas. Although it’s hard to find accurate numbers, places on the internet list our 2000 Beetle GLX at 31 MPG for *highway* driving. Ours was…

34.4 MPG!

We weren’t just on the highway, we drove all over in populous areas and even some stop and go traffic. How do we get higher gas mileage than the listed highway value? Simple!

Efficient driving!

Barely anyone in and around Boston understands this concept. If everyone drove efficiently, we would save millions in oil costs – while I have no hard numbers to back this up, I’m very convinced of it. Imagine if everyone driving raised their fuel economy by just 2 MPG! Assuming 20-22 MPG efficiency and 5000 miles per year, this saves around 23 gallons of gas per car per year. In 2004 there were 243,023,485 registered vehicles in the US, so that’s 5,589,540,385 gallons a year. I freely admit this exercise may be flawed in many ways, but the fact is that at a LOT of gas could be saved with just a tiny increase in driver skill.

Here are some tips that I’ve tried to use in making myself a more efficient driver. Some of these ideas are borrowed and correlated with tips on this site and this site. Others are ideas I’ve developed personally after much thinking on the subject.

1) Don’t tailgate. If the car in front of you has to turn or slow down, you will have to brake immediately and then speed up after, which is very inefficient. With a wise following distance, you won’t even have to slow down when the car in front of you turns!

2) Go the speed limit. It’s very hard the closer you get to cities due to all the speeding maniacs on your bumper all the time. But it’s possible, and it’s the law. It’s also more fuel efficient. “As a rule of thumb, you can assume that each 5 mph you drive over 60 mph is like paying an additional $0.20 per gallon for gas.” Also, I’ve found that when you go the speed limit you rarely have anyone in front of you, which is even better for your MPG.

3) Learn to drive standard. I heard somewhere that it increases fuel efficiency by 7% (with skillful use of course).

4) Accelerate/Decelerate wisely. If there’s a red light or stop sign right ahead, don’t accelerate. Take your time and coast to a stop. Also, this may not be widely accepted as the best way to drive, but I put my transmission in neutral a lot as I coast down a slight hill, while getting off the highway, or coming to a red light. For every tank of gas I use, at least a couple miles are driven with pure kinetic energy! “Tests show that ‘jackrabbit’ starts and hard braking reduces travel time by only four percent, while toxic emissions were more than five times higher. The proper way is to accelerate slowly and smoothly, then get into high gear as quickly as possible. In city driving, nearly 50% of the energy needed to power your car goes to acceleration.”

5) Use cruise control to maintain a steady speed when possible (not over the speed limit, of course).

6) Don’t leave your car running. “If you’re going to be stopped for more than 30 seconds, except in traffic, turn off the engine.”

7) Keep your tires properly inflated and get regular oil changes and maintenance. I’m pretty bad at this one, I rarely check my car’s innards for anything. Most of the time I just make sure they check it when I get my oil changed.

Keep junk outta your car. Especially heavy stuff.

If you follow all these tips, see if you don’t save some money at the pump! If you don’t like the idea of driving wisely and lawfully, don’t complain about gas prices either!

Tony and Shannon have been our friends for a while now. They used to live in the same town as us, and they were our closest geographical friends. Then they moved to Framingham and we were mad. But sometimes we still get together to play music, watch MST3K episodes, craft, eat dinner, or discuss and debate the Bible or various ideas. We’re very similar to them (although Tony is much cooler than me) and we like hanging out with them.

Today we went to Tony’s birthday party. There were quite a wide array of people there and there was music too – sort of an open mic atmosphere in his living room. Jill and I played a few songs:

1) After Hours – Velvet Underground
2) Won’t You Be My Neighbor – Mister Rogers
3) Candy – Jazz standard from 40′s

We did well! Here’s a couple pictures too (unfortunately none of Jill since she took them both).

I am awful at understanding lyrics to songs, and I don’t know what that pop/r&b song actually says, the only word many of us non-spanish folk understand is gassolina! Gassolina gassoline… it is getting pricier and pricier! Finally, a co-worker and I have scheduled days where we will carpool from boxborough to chelmsford. Good timing too because we are one car down for about a week or so. The ford escort failed inspection rather miserably, so we sold it on craigslist and bought a new one on craigslist (well, gave a deposit, title to arrive soon).

So, all it this is making me mindful of gas and driving distances.

Then, I took the beetle to get gassed up and the gas attendant told me that with a turbo car you really should fill it up with premium gas, that the regular gas can do damage and cost you thousands down the road. Guess it gives that recommendation under that gas cap too. Hmmmm, said I, and thanked him for the tip.

So, now I am seeing out experts on the matter to learn if this is really important or just a nice thing to do to a little turbo beetle. Any advice? Some websites have told me it’s a myth, others say go for the premium stuff. If I am not enlightened within a week or so I will probably have to call car talk. But i always listen to them online, what time are they actually on the air?

I’ve been reading and learning a lot about the Holocaust lately. I picked up Edu Manga: Anne Frank as a graphic novel to review for my young adult class and loved it. I felt like I was learning it all again for the first time, and just wanted to learn more. Since then Ben and I have watched Auschwitz – Inside the Nazi State which was a history and account of life there. We also watched Secret Lives which followed the stories of parents who sent children off to be hidden, the rescurers, and the adults who were just little kids during the Holocaust. And, of course, there is the wonderful Hiding Place which is such a wonderful and inspiring movie. Corrie Ten Boom is just amazing, learning to thank God for everything even during those horrific times. Though she hates the lice at first she learns to thank God even for the lice! The guards wouldn’t come into where she was kept because of the lice and therefore she and her sister were allowed to still read the bible they had and share it with others. Amazing woman. And currently I am finishing up Corrie’s little book, A Tramp finds a Home . She is so inspiring. She suffered so much, yet persevered to praise God in everything and to see his hand.

“There is a burden on my heart to tell everyone about the blessing of suffering; about the blessings of persecution and taking part in Christ’s sufferings” – Corrie Ten Boom in A Tramp Finds a Home

Last night at Freedom Farm Kraig Kaijala spoke. Nothing Holocaust related, but a similar kind of suffering. He lost his wife about a year ago and shared about this experience, his grief, and how his outlook on suffering and life has changed. He offered such a valuable perspective about persevering through suffering and how God uses it in our lives. He really gave wisdom on Romans 5:2-5.

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. – Romans 5:2-5

This is our little nephew Wes: